Ask Emily: Feb. 10 paper

Dear Emily: I asked my best friend to be my maid-of-honor at my wedding. She said no. Understandably, she is out of work and the responsibility does entail spending money on a bridesmaid dress, bachelorette party and bridal shower. But her participation means more to me than anything. I’m worried I would embarrass her if I offered to pay for her expenses — she is very proud. So what should I do? — Not Too Proud to Beg 

Dear Not Too Proud to Beg: Alleviate some of your friend’s financial burden. Instead of buying her the customary “maid-of-honor” gift, buy her bridesmaid dress. Also explain that a wedding and shower gift is not necessary — her participation is all that you want. Don’t use guilt as a motivator (that’s just not fair), but do appeal to her sense of friendship. Explain how important she is to you and how, in 10 years, you’ll want to look back on your wedding day and remember her there.

 Dear Emily: I just accepted a job offer with my current company’s top competitor. I know once I hand in my two weeks notice, everyone will ask me where I am going. I feel like a traitor revealing the truth. Would it be acceptable for me just to tell people I’d rather not divulge my next place of employment? I don’t want to seem like a jerk, but I don’t want to be ridiculed by everyone if/when I tell them the truth. — It’s My Business 

Dear It’s My Business: The truth will come out eventually — it always does — so you might as well set the record straight upfront and tell people your next move. You obviously care about what people think; you have, no doubt, cultivated relationships with your fellow employees. Therefore, by telling people now where you are going, you’ll have a chance to explain why this move is best for you. If you wait, you’ll leave the details TBD by the active imaginations of others. 

Dear Emily: I decided to break up with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for a year, but I just am ready to move on. We are supposed to go to a Valentine’s Day dance at school though. If I break up with her beforehand, am I still obligated to take her to the dance? I kind of want to go with someone else now. — Confused 

Dear Confused: Chances are if you break up with your girlfriend before Valentine’s Day, she won’t want to go to the dance with you. But yes, to be a gentleman, you should at least offer to still take her if she’d like. Do be kind if you must break up with her; try to avoid doing so right on top of the pending romantic holiday. Then give her a day to process this before discussing the dance.